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Positive

          I woke up this morning with a feeling that has escaped me for a while. I had been dreamming again, but not the usual foreboding dreams of late, one with a bit of hope maybe?

         There was no alarm, I have a couple of weeks off, a couple of weeks I wasn’t looking forward to as the plan had been to visit the Girls and Grandson, like that was going to happen… So I have a couple of weeks with no visits or visitors, no coffee and cakes with friends, but now also no shop, no colleagues and no customers who have become a lifeline to my mental state of mind. With my two weeks holidays looming on the horizon I’ve been like a bear, unable to hibernate, and one with a sore head at that… Poor Hubby…

          I haven’t had my jab yet, but it’s going to be my turn in the foreseeable future. ….

          In my dream, I was living in an underground, quite desolate world where everything seemed to be matt black in colour, quite like an empty stage with no props. My dream began with me sitting in a chair not unlike a dentists chair, after just having an implant in my right forarm, lines like a circuit board started to show on my arm and as I glanced down at strange red markings which had appeared, I watched them come alive with colours as I moved my wrist. A group of excited people caught my attention as they ran past laughing and smiling, I followed, and learning by watching the others, I became able to create illusions with the flick of my wrist, and these illusions gradually became a new reality…

          I’m not one for political conversations, I have my preferences, and some of my opinions are very strong, but the will to impose my preferences and opinions on others is not strong at all so I usually just watch and listen from the sidelines… And vote with my feet.

          I’d been following the Brexit unfolding, and of course the virus information quite closely including the downing Street briefing from yestetday where the latest “Road map” for finding our way back to normality was unveiled. I wonder if the briefing with its plan laid out to follow has given me some new hope that we can soon see families again, and share coffee and cakes with friends, and of course, the jab in my arm to help me turn it to reality speaks for itself.

          I got up and wandered down to the kitchen, gazing out onto the garden as I usually do. The sun had just come up. The sky in the background was blue, the wind was blowing quite hard yes, but it was blowing pink fluffy clouds across the top of my garden wall. The “Crazy patio” was drying out after the recent rains and the upcoming daffodils were dancing about in the wind.

          The get-up-and-go which has eluded me of late seems to have found its way back home, after a couple of coffees, I set about the second part of decorating the “Passage“. I pulled up the landing carpet and started to explore underneath the broken floorboards to investigate the creaking radiator pipes.

Mushroom

         The world in general has shrunk for most people at the moment, day in, day out, same old, same old … At times like these a good imagination is invaluable.

         Today the mind is wandering back to The New Forest, the wild horses roam freely in their thick winter coats, hardly bothered by the fact that the recent rains have turned parts of their playground into giant swimming pools. My toes wriggle freely, protected by my wellies as my feet squelch in and out of muddy puddles. There’s no rain today, but the wide brim of my rain hat is just as suited to keeping the low winter sun out of my eyes as it is to keeping the rain spots off my glasses. My world is at peace, Hubby is enjoying the vastness of the view, and me? I’m squatting precariously on one heel to get the right angle to catch a picture of a brightly coloured mushroom for a future memory.

         It’s a fairy mushroom, obviously, why would it not be?

         There’s a tiny flutter of wings in the air as a fairy arrives over my shoulder, a slight breeze catches my ear and a wing tip brushes past my cheek. She lands daintily on my mushroom and looks up quizzically at me. No words pass our lips but I adjust my balance and glance at the horse in the distance. She settles herself into my picture, sitting on top of the mushroom, one leg outstretched and the other bent with her hands wrapped around her knee, perfectly posed, she flexed her wings and threw her head back for her sunlight to light her face.

         Memory captured, I regain a more secure footing and follow Hubby off into the forest, a glance over my shoulder for a smile and a nod in the direction of the mushroom secures the memory and I return to join Hubby with an extra spring in my step.

         More from before : Nestled in the “New Forest“.

Willpower

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          I have plenty of willpower, that’s not a problem of mine… It’s the “WON’T” power that I struggle with.   I’m far happier when using the scales in the picture above than using the ones in the bathroom.   However, needs must, I do tend to comfort eat, and the whole world is in need of a little comforting at the moment.  But my problem is that little old lady who jumps in front of me when I look in a mirror, has taken up residence in my wardrobe where she secretly sews extra seams into my clothes to make them smaller.  Not only that, but she’s recently taken to standing on the bathroom scales with me too now.

          The last time I stood on the scales they didn’t quite shout “one at a time please” but I’m sure I heard them groan, so enough is enough.

          I don’t enjoy eating, I’ve never had a happy relationship with food, I eat to live, not the other way around, so bearing in mind I don’t eat very much, I’m going to have to change what I eat to reverse the upward trend of the numbers on the tape measure.

          It’s no secret that I like the sweeter things in life, my idea of a balanced diet is a custard cream in each hand, my eating habits are just that… Habits.

          I have tried to add a few healthy habits, my attempt at “Healthy snacking” wasn’t a complete disaster.  My little boxes for healthy snacks are often to be found in the fridge, I have had jellies in them on many an occasion, but the fruit portions the boxes were planned for are sometimes there too.

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         My last attempt at infiltrating my dieting habits with a little bit of healthy eating worked slightly, the “Cashews” in the “Jars” have turned into a small handful at breakfast time each day, but the apricots have definitely fallen by the wayside. 

          As a youngster I was really skinny, I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight… Oh how wonderful that would be now… But unfortunately I have to put a little more thought into the fuel for the body that has grown around me. 

          I’m a great believer of  “You are what you eat” – I know lots of people are skeptical here, and some with very good reason, but I read the book, expecting to just be pleasantly entertained and was surprised to find myself agreeing with so much of the “storyline” that I thought harder about what I ate, and what the results were.  Basically, if I were a car and filled up on a perfectly tailored fuel I would run like a dream, but if I just put any old junk in the fuel tank, then I must accept different results.

          My body reacts so strongly to anything I do to it that its not difficult to work out what it needs.  For instance, I’m fighting to stop a bad head turning into a migraine right now, and slowly winning, but my weopen of choice is not pills or potions and a darkened room, no, it’s water, just simply water.

          I’ve just competed my week in work, I don’t do as many days now that I’ve managed to finally reach that “Semi-retirement” stage, but I know I don’t drink enough water on a work day and need to drink more in the evening to compensate.  This week I’ve worked the extra overtime shift, plus I spent a good part of yesterday “inspecting the inside of my eyelids” on the sofa after an early shift, followed by an early night and another early start today so the extra liquid intake time just disappeared … you’d think I’d have learnt to avoid getting to the bad head stage by now wouldn’t you. No, but I have learnt how to catch it before it blows up into a migraine.

          My migraines are triggered mainly by what food I eat, or don’t eat and I’ve managed to incorporate the required balance of this foodstuff into my habit formed lifestyle.   If I can find just a couple of changes and turn them into habits then that might just be enough to tip the scales back in my favour.

          Let’s face it though, me getting up each morning and going for a ten mile run before breakfast just isn’t going to happen so I think I’m going to have to find something food related.

          Wish me luck, I’ll let you know how I get on.

          Oh, look at the first picture again, look past the scales and out through the kitchen window.  I’ve inadvertently caught a picture of the “Other end” of the garden.  This was before I pulled off the old blue cladding, and you can see the strategically placed garden ornaments to help prevent me stepping through the rotten decking.