Step away from your reality for a moment and take a peek into mine.
Mine is a slower world than most, where happy thoughts mean a great deal. If the little things make you smile, then the big things Don’t seem to matter so much.
Now imagine that about 30 years ago we were on the starship Enterprise and we encountered a power surge. Imagine there was some sort of power overload and one of the main routes from the engine room to the bridge became unstable. The chief of engineering, Geordi La Forge, needed to re-route the power in a different direction through a smaller cable so that Captain Jean-luc Picard was able to instruct the bridge to engage the engines and carry on with the mission.
It seems as though for the last thirty or so years, the main power route in my brain has been replaced by a subsidiary route, one which wasn’t originally made to hold such power and so it overloads, blows a fuse, and Geordi has to be called back in to re-route everything again.
The first few times this happened, it was really scary, but it’s not scary as such anymore, it’s amazing what you can get used to. It’s upsetting, frustrating even at times, when one day I can do something like listening to music in a busy room for instance, and the next day I can’t concentrate enough on the voice of a person in front of me to hold a conversation because other people are talking next to me.
But it passes. And then I have to get used to another new me. I’m not as different to myself as I was 30 years ago when I simply “wasn’t there“, but things that I would normally take for granted need thinking about for a while until I am again comfortable in the skin I’m in.
Another way to look at it is I’ve had my cookies deleted, I’m a great fan of cookies, I can’t eat chocolate, but if you find good cookies without chocolate in them, then don’t hold me back. My favourite coffee shop has brought back its gingerbread range for Christmas, with the added selection of a gingerbread cookie … Truly scrumptious … Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself … And pick up one for me too.
However, you’ve probably guessed I’m not on about that sort of cookies (what a sad world it would be if they were deleted) I’m on about the cookies in my computer. The little crumbs dropped by different programs and applications as they pass by to make the route easier and quicker to find next time. Every now and again the computer gets a good clear out to make it work better, and these cookies are deleted. They don’t stop the computer from working, they free up some memory space and get rid of some of the junk you haven’t used in a while. However the first time you do something after the clean up, it takes longer as you have to put more cookies in place. As is with my marbles, everything takes a lot longer to do for the first time again. Something as simple as opening the front door, something you’ve done thousands of times before … In the rain … With your hands full of bags … Without a seconds thought …
This time, you have to stop at the door and decide to open it. Then take your key and insert it into the keyhole. Next you turn your key and take it back out before pressing the door handle down and opening the door. Then you have to remember to close the door after you before moving onto the next task.
It’s OK, it’s not all doom and gloom. And this is me, so as always I try and find the bright side.
Imagine you are a child, and I am way into my second childhood here so this is quite easy for me, imagine you are in a child’s world where you see everything anew, where reds are redder and greens are greener. Where everywhere you look you see fascinating things which you hadn’t even noticed before.
After a blip, my world moves even slower than normal, but it only takes a few days (and a lot of people’s patience) for my world to regain its level of normality. In the meantime, I wander around wide-eyed absorbing the brighter colours and new things Ive seen many times before, but just haven’t notice.
The picture? …
A couple of days ago I was sitting around the kitchen table crafting with a few friends, and although I couldnt concentrate on my crafting, the conversation, or even making coffee, my fingers pulled this out of the back of beyond in the little grey cells and I made a bird out of paper strips as I’d learned in school.